Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
