I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Randomize
