MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
