But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
