hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Randomize
