If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
