If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
