Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
