So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
