3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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