I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
When did angry sex become our thing?
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Randomize
