I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
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