That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
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