New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
