every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize