its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Heybabeimwearingurpanties
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
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