I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize