I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Randomize
