so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Randomize