it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
