Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
