Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
