Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
It's official drugs can't kill me
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Randomize
