Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
