There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Randomize
