your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Randomize
