There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
