yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
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