So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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