There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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