The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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