summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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