I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Randomize
