Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
