She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
