Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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