mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Randomize
