I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
