So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
