why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
