if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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