If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
