so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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