Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Your penis caused this!
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