I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize