Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Randomize
