Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
