he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
