Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
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