id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Randomize
