Grow some girl-balls and come out already
I wish I only lived at night.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Randomize
