If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Randomize