I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
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