Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
