Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
