That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Randomize
