Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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