What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
