dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
