Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
My vagina is very pro this idea
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
