You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
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