she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
