Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
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