i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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