i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Is it because I queefed?
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
